December 2010
148 posts
4 tags
What happens when L.A. Armenians are in town:
Cousin 1: I’ll prepare the nargileh (hookah) Cousin 2: I’ll get the good Arabic CD from the car Cousin 3: I’ll get the cognac Me: I’ll get….my cookies…
Dec 31st
apio asked: YES he also plays the king's brother in Upstairs Downstairs YOU HAVE TO WATCH UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS SO YOU TOO CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH THE HOT BLONDE QUASI-FASCIST and the vid is in the other laptoppp ill get tooo itttt
Dec 31st
apio asked: YES he also plays the king's brother in Upstairs Downstairs YOU HAVE TO WATCH UPSTAIRS DOWNSTAIRS SO YOU TOO CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH THE HOT BLONDE QUASI-FASCIST and the vid is in the other laptoppp ill get tooo itttt
Dec 31st
5 tags
I take offense to your question, Sir.
This is discrimination. I just want to send a fucking e-card. 123 Suck my trout dick.
Dec 29th
5 tags
I take offense to your question, Sir.
This is discrimination. I just want to send a fucking e-card. 123 Suck my trout dick.
Dec 29th
umnica asked: LOL yeah writing about them on the internets relieves the ridiculousness. I love my grams but the conversation took a very serious turn later when she told me I will be very alone very soon as women now grab the best men where they see em. She also said and I quote "just put on the engagement ring and then do whatever your heart desires for as long as you like" O_O
Dec 28th
umnica asked: LOL yeah writing about them on the internets relieves the ridiculousness. I love my grams but the conversation took a very serious turn later when she told me I will be very alone very soon as women now grab the best men where they see em. She also said and I quote "just put on the engagement ring and then do whatever your heart desires for as long as you like" O_O
Dec 28th
4 tags
the bells be ringing
umnica: Grandma: That guy who came by the other day, he was nice.. Me: Yeah, he is. G-Boss: You don’t like him? Me: I do, but he’s a friend. GB: So? Me: He’s more like a brother. GB: And? #my grandma #and then she basically said ...
Dec 28th
Mom: I got this shirt for your cousin from...
Me: It’s pronounced aero-statle Mom: I don’t understand how it’s pronounced that way. Me: That’s how it’s pronounced. Mom: How about the ‘p’? Me: Just ignore the p. Mom: Where are you getting the second t from? If I ignored the p that it’s Aero-stale, not aero-statle. Me: Mother, I didn’t invent the pronunciation. Mom: Stupid...
Dec 28th
6 tags
Blizzard 12/10: War wounds, British-talk, and...
That’s the spot where I hit myself with the shovel. It’s red now and it hurts. Actually, I didn’t hit myself with it so much as I rammed my head into the metal edge of the shovel after I had lifted it up and put it on the balcony. That’s how it’s done y’all.   And then, thank god, my neighbor came over and asked if we’d want him to snow-blow whatever...
Dec 28th
4 tags
Just watched the Walking Dead pilot...
DUDE. DUDE. DUDE. I  D O N ’ T  E V E N
Dec 28th
1 tag
It's official
I’m on a television binge. The only thing I can bring myself to do is watch television. Sherlock - Done Emma - Done Walking Dead - On it. Oh, and eat cookies.
Dec 28th
5 tags
"You must wrap up warm, Emma, in case one of the...
OH FOR CHRIST’S SAKE OLD MAN CHILL THE FUCK OUT. And what the fuck is that on your head babushka? Your hypochondria and anxious nature were cute at first like “oh look old dude is old and worried.” Now it’s FUCKING ANNOYING.
Dec 27th
1 tag
Von Trapp (in a rush of testosterone) Rips the...
……
Dec 27th
4 notes
1 tag
"How many men do you know who communicate with...
Douchebag Nazi guy: Oh right…too busy boning. Something you never do you Nazi whore.
Dec 27th
1 tag
AHHHHH THE LOVE-TALK SCENE (Post 6)
MOST AWKWARD LOVE CONVO EVER. Georg: Why did you come back? Maria: Well, I had obligations blah blah. And I missed the children. Georg: Only the children? Maria: Yes - No!…Not only the children. blah blah Georg: Maria, there is no Baroness Douchetart. Maria: Oh I’m so sorry Goerg: You are? Maria: There isn’t? LIKE ARE WE HAVING THE SAME CONVERSATION? JUST KISS...
Dec 27th
1 tag
That other slut: And somewhere out there is a...
VON TRAPP’s FACE: And then: “OH RIGHT…BECAUSE I WILL BONE HER.” There’s only one man for you Maria, and his name is neither God nor Allah. It’s a name far more sexy and mouth-watering: GEORG VON TRAPP. CAPTAIN GEORG VON TRAPP.
Dec 27th
4 tags
Maria: "Good Evening" (Post 4)
Goerg: Good Evening *EYEFUCK EYEFUCK* The other cunt: oohhh Maria you’re back…. THAT’S RIGHT YOU BITCH HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU AND DOESN”T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR WIENER SCHNITZEL. WHAT THE FUCK IS WEINER SCHNITZEL?. SUCK MY WEINER. AND STFU YOU KNOW YOU BORE HIM.
Dec 27th
5 tags
Dec 27th
5 tags
The Sound of Music - Post 2.
Me: *referring to Captain Von Trapp* We love this guy on Tumblr. Ugh, Christopher Plummer. Mom: Oh he’s a plumber? They make good money…  Me: Really? I was thinking I wouldn’t mind sneaking a peak of his ass crack when he bends to fix the toilet, but money is important I guess…
Dec 27th
3 tags
ALERT ALERT The Sound of Music on Channel 7 (ABC...
GET ON IT MY CHILDREN. MARIA HAS ALREADY LEFT. GEORG IS TOTALLY DEPRESSED BUT IS ACTING TOTALLY COOL. I SEE WHAT YOU’RE DOING THERE, CAPTAIN VON TRAPP. NO GEORG. DON’T MARRY THAT OTHER CUNT.
Dec 27th
1 tag
umnica asked: Yes! coolness. also, Google Translate now has Armenian (and Turkish and Azeri) with pronunciation, don't know how good it is but might be useful for beginners words.
Dec 27th
umnica asked: Yes! coolness. also, Google Translate now has Armenian (and Turkish and Azeri) with pronunciation, don't know how good it is but might be useful for beginners words.
Dec 27th
3 tags
When I get an email, my phone makes a sound to...
I bow down to you 21st century.
Dec 26th
4 tags
Remember them sugar cookies I was supposed to...
Well they’re made. 70 some odd cookies. Dipped in chocolate and then either in peanuts, walnuts or almonds. Which bitch makes the best cookies? This bitch. And now Janet the Cookie Monster rises from her lair. Devouring cookies, shouting racial slurs, terrorizing neighborhoods. All in pursuit of cookies…and making her criminal existence known to Sherlock and/or Dexter. 
Dec 26th
octobones-deactivated20110224 asked: LOL, "Who's the other?" THAT'S HOLGER BADSTUBER! YOU BAD, BAD GIRL!
Dec 26th
octobones-deactivated20110224 asked: LOL, "Who's the other?" THAT'S HOLGER BADSTUBER! YOU BAD, BAD GIRL!
Dec 26th
4 tags
Just finished the Sherlock "finale"
The whole ep, I was like Then I was like  Moriardy is the gay dude with the badly-plucked eyebrows who may or may not be gay? Then I was like i CANT BELIEVE YOU ENDED THIS SHIT ON THAT BIG OF A CLIFFHANGER And then, when it was all over, I was like I love you Pedophile Cumberbatch
Dec 26th
5 tags
"Kevin, don't say 'faggot' - say 'nigga'"
—My mom, to my brother
Dec 26th
4 tags
Christmas 2010 pearls:
*Brother as he tries to adjust big-ass Christmas tree on its stand* “It’s like I’m humping the tree.” How many times have you humped an inanimate object (e.g. wall, tree)? Be honest - and only count the times it was consensual…
Dec 25th
2 tags
Addendum to last post.
MY CONTACTS LIST ON MY PHONE INCLUDES EMAIL ADDRESSES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER. MIND BLOWN.
Dec 25th
5 tags
Almost as good as a getting a German futballer for...
GUYS GUYS GUYS Featuring my NEW MOTOROLA ANDROID. HOLY FUCK IT’S BEAUTIFUL. How friggin timely was this conversation I had just yesterday??? The phone is NOT A FLIP PHONE/RUGGED CONSTRUCTION WORKER PHONE Has a Touch Screen, awesome camera, and connects to Wifi And still has DIRECT CONNECT (walkie-talkie) I KNOW RIGHT? Also the fam loved their presents. After setting up my...
Dec 25th
4 tags
Family Matters. And my ancient-ass flip phone.
Me: Why can’t I get a normal phone not from the 1840s? Dad: Oh, this phone is from the 1840s? Me: Fine, I exaggerate - the 1940s. Dad: Listen - you can get any phone you want if you’re not in my family plan. Can you afford it? Me: I can afford it if you pay for it… Dad: Then you’ll have to be extra nice to me. Me: That is a high price to pay…
Dec 24th
6 tags
What a day and it aint over yet...
Made içli köfte - making enough of these bitches for the holidays takes so much concentration and time. But they’re also the one of the most delicious meat dishes in existence. Made a huge plate of tabuleh to eat for dinner tonight Watched Australia and omg Hugh Jackman is a HUNK. Just a HUNK. NO OTHER WORD DESCRIBES HIM I WANNA LICK YOUR CHEST HAIR Stealing bones’s tag to say...
Dec 23rd
4 tags
Dec 23rd
167 notes
3 tags
Dec 23rd
3 tags
Dec 23rd
5 tags
umnica replied to your photo: A Haiku in homage to blinchik: Lightly fry this… incidentally today is the first day of my 67th diet of the year. I made blinchiki (with jam and honey and NUTELLA) on Sunday and had like 6. Never change. I’ve never personally made sweet blinchiki. My favorite blinchiks (Armenians cut off the last i) are the ones that are stuffed with potatoes...
Dec 23rd
5 tags
Dec 22nd
3 tags
The first parcel of my Old Creative Writing blog...
The Bad And excerpt from a short-story I wrote, called The Afghan Girl, inspired by this chick’s story. Out of the corner of my eye, two shadows appeared.  First, the woman from before came out and said, “ Here she is.” My heart started pounding and I stared at the second shadow, a part of me wanting her to stay a shadow forever. I was ready to turn around and walk back but she moved...
Dec 22nd
4 tags
Dec 22nd
3 tags
Dec 22nd
3 tags
“I’m thinking of changing mine when/if I go back to the States. But you...”
– Nigar, on her beautiful and potentially ~awkward~ name.
Dec 22nd
5 tags
Dec 22nd
4 tags
Car, wine, tomayto, tomahto.
Tv: “So for his birthday, I gave him a 1967 El Camino.” My mom: “Is that a wine?”
Dec 22nd
4 tags
Sometimes life will be hard and sometimes you'll...
kafrininterman: sade: When you find yourself feeling this way, just think: “At least I’m not that person on the bus who sits directly behind the driver and tries to have a conversation with him.” perspective This is so RELEVANT. TO EVERY NEW YORKER. AND URBAN-AMERCAN-ER. ANYONE WHO TAKES THE BUS. Also, on a semi-unrelated note, I was gonna go into a cart on the 7 train today but the cart...
Dec 21st
108 notes
4 tags
In the spirit of the holidays, and my Santa...
I bring you *drumrooolllllll* EXCERPTS FROM CREATIVE WRITING I DID IN HIGH SCHOOL! Most of it is, obviously, really really bad. Melodrama, cliched, just bad. But it makes for a great present - to read, to look back on, to laugh at, to say “god, she thought she was good *thigh slap*.” Of course, there are some bits, some little bits, that are half decent! I shall alternate between...
Dec 21st
octobones-deactivated20110224 asked: You should warn a person that they're going to laugh before you make them laugh because they might have just taken a shower and are eating something really hot and delicious. Whatever; worth it.

So what's the story?
Dec 21st
4 tags
Dec 21st
3 tags
Translation Therapy: Epilogue →
translationtherapy: Treasure this water Gliding down your throat Don’t ignore the blue As much of it as you can see from the window Treasure the sky Treasure the blooming almond tree The sunlit room the slushy street The white the black the green Treasure the pink Such is the heart’s vitality Fluttering with…
Dec 21st
1 note